We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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