So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize