Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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