She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
