Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
