When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dicks are not precious.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
