i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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