Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
