There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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