Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
