Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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