He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
