this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
