then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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