I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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