using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
