are you so shy because you have an std?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
