look no pants
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Panties = found
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