I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
