My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
