Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
