You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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