took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
