I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
