Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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