I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
