..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
