I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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