There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
