I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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