Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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