guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
