Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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