Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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