He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
