Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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