I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
