3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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