I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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