you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize