Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
