I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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