omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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