I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the day after is always just damage control
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
