I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
