Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
