You really coming over, don't trick.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
