I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
