if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
