jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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