All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
