question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
