Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
