Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
