i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
