i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
