my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
