fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
