Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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